When it comes to abuse, the silent majority just as bad

• Author: LEONARD CARR
• Published date: 13 October 2021
• Publication title: Jerusalem Post, The: Web Edition Articles (Israel)

They also take a stand for all past victims and forge a path that makes it easier for others to follow their lead. They also raise awareness that hopefully helps to prevent abuse from taking place. They do all of this by simply fighting for justice.

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The tragedy from the perspective of a Torah Jew, is that almost without exception, these champions of redress and restitution, seem be forced to leave their communities, often even their families and worst of all Torah in order to represent their cause. To any reasonable person this has to be an indictment on those who representatives of Torah in the victims life who, instead of protecting them in the first place, or standing up for them after they had disclosed abuse, chose to shun and blame them for what happened or for speaking out.

A person's closeness to God is measured by how well they embody the values of truth, justice, compassion, and love of Shalom. Furthermore, the Torah makes repeated reference to the fact that God stands with the vulnerable, the disempowered, dispossessed, dislocated and the disenfranchised. One would assume therefore that the more a community defines itself by its level of Torah observance, the more impeccable would be its response to victims of abuse in the community.

Ironically and sadly, however, a close observation of the commonalties in people's stories reveal one pervasive theme. In many of these narratives the dynamics of the family and often the community in which they live are similar. The pervasive ethos that they share is one where the preservation of power and social status takes precedence over truth or the well being of individuals. This applies more especially to those who threaten to status-quo even if they happen to be one's own children. Power that is used to exploit and control people operates most effectively when it is invisible or denied.

In these typically authoritarian often tyrannical family regimes, relinquishing personal agency, pretending, and lying about ones needs and feelings is the only way to prove love, loyalty, and devotion. This means hiding at all costs, and denying vehemently if challenged, one's true beliefs, thoughts, and desires. In these families, bonds between members are held together firmly by their tacit consensual agreement is to not reveal, even to themselves, who you really are. In other words, hiding emotional needs, hurts and pain. They keep an implicit pact to maintain a well-honed public front of righteousness and...