Love isn't simple in a time of war - opinion

• Published date: 30 March 2024
• Author: RIVKAH LAMBERT ADLER
• Publication title: Jerusalem Post, The: Web Edition Articles (Israel)

Four neighbors from Efrat, all wives of soldiers serving in reserve duty and small business owners, noticed similar concerns being expressed by their female friends and clients

"How can I go to the mikveh and think of my own pleasure when we're at war/when my husband's friend was killed/when my friend is sitting shiva for her husband?"

"I really want to be with my husband, but every time we are becoming intimate, I am overwhelmed by flashbacks from the news."

"I haven't felt any desire for intimacy since October 7."

"I'm worried that we might be interrupted by a red alert."

"Our whole family is sharing a hotel room. How do we handle staying connected as a couple when we have no privacy?"

In response, the four decided to offer support for the women of their community by creating "a space to share, heal, gain tools and support for the effects of the war on sexual and intimate relationships," according to Adena Mark (@atozeventsisrael), a luxury event and travel curator and one of the program organizers.

Mark said that although originally "the workshop was marketed to reservists' wives in Efrat," the facilitators "very quickly got responses from women from all over the surrounding area, such as Gush Etzion, Beit Shemesh, and Jerusalem.

"[We] got requests from women who were not reservists' wives but felt they needed this workshop. After all, anyone living in Israel is affected by the war in various ways."

Mark teamed up with neighbors Yonina Rubinstein (@yoninarubinstein), a sexuality educator and counselor; Rebecca Sigala (@rebeccasigalaboudoir), a body image coach and boudoir photographer; and Franny Waisman (@frannytours), a tour guide, Torah educator, and musician, to create a program they named Make Love in War.

As a bilingual sexuality educator, Rubinstein was aware that these concerns were beginning to be addressed in Hebrew circles, but Mark wanted to see something offered for English-speaking women.

"Back in October, no one was talking about this, just as no one was talking about the sexual abuse that happened on October 7. So much was being held in and held back. The [specific] challenges women were having were being made to feel secondary. [There was a lot of] guilt and trauma," Mark said.

Rubinstein elaborated that the group "wanted to create an intimate place to share in a beautiful, pampering environment. We created a space for people to relax; we created an experience. [We wanted to communicate that] it's okay. It's safe to experience...