How to maintain boundaries for our children

• Published date: 06 October 2021
• Author: CHOFIT BAHARI
• Publication title: Jerusalem Post, The: Web Edition Articles (Israel)

The holiday season or summer vacation enables parents and children to get out of the routine and familiar frameworks that dictate a clear agenda (school or kindergarten for children, and work for parents), along with more time together.

There's time for gatherings with the extended family and joint activities such as trips, vacations and more.

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Departing from routine makes it harder to maintain boundaries.

Have you ever wondered why it's difficult for us to set boundaries?

The reasons can be varied: Maybe we think the child will love us less? Maybe we have a hard time enforcing the rules? Maybe we grew up in a house that had a lot of strict rules, and we decided that wasn't what we wanted so we're the exact opposite? Perhaps because setting boundaries requires perseverance and determination, which are our weak traits? Or, we don't know how to do it without ruining our connection with the kids?

Let's not get confused and think that in order to be an authoritative parent we must be aggressive, be dominant over the child and make them obey through commands, punishments and threats. This would be an abuse of our authority. Being an authoritative parent requires us to be kind, close and invested in our kids, and have a calm and soothing manner.

Three golden rules in setting boundaries

First and foremost, it's important to know that we are setting boundaries for ourselves. As soon as the child speaks insolently, swears or shouts, show him that this is where you draw the line. Get up, let him or her know you won't be spoken to like that, and leave. When we set boundaries for ourselves, we teach our child about human dignity.

Similarly, don't say the same thing a thousand times. If we respect ourselves, say it only once. For example, if you want your child to shower, don't say over and over , "Well, go take a shower. How many times should I ask?" Instead approach your child and ask, "Are you turning off the TV or me?" Or simply say: "Go shower because it's important that we sit together for dinner."

Our children need parents who will say something, then follow through. This builds trust between parent and child.

When it's clear to the parent, it's clear to the child. When our children need medicine, we make sure to give it exactly as the doctor...